family

He is My One and Only.

We may not agree a 100% of the time, but what marriage does.

I am so happy that at least we can talk about things and learn from them.

He wrote me an e mail today and I swear it was what I needed to hear.

I Love him so much!

He told me he would do anything to make me happy and that the kids and I are his life.

I feel the exact same way.

He wants to be the one I run to and talk to.

It is such a change from a little over a year ago.

We were so stubborn and unwilling to listen to the other person.

I look at it this way.

He was my first boyfriend and it came full circle. He is my husband. My wonderful Loving Husband.

The kids miss him like crazy. Especially the boys. They miss wrestling with him and playing games. Lately though it seems like they just miss having him to talk to.

The girls miss there daddy they are such daddy's girls. They love making things for him.

Everyone has a Love story. Mine is a little unconventional but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Love has many meanings. The Love a Mother has for her children, the Love a Wife has for her Husband. The Love she has for her family and friends.

You do not become a mother by simply giving birth. You become a mother by being there for your children, for protecting your children, for wanting nothing less than the best for your children and complete and total unconditional Love.

When I had my son (tristan) I didn't know how to be a mother, but I will tell you one thing My Life started the day he was born. How can one little baby make me feel as though my life was so little compared to his. He became the one person I wanted to be my best for. He helped me to become a better person. He showed me what it meant to have a heart. He helped me to express My Love to my family. I will always be there for him I will never stop loving him. I want nothing but the best for him. I will give my life for him.

When Brians kids (lil' brian, analissa, savanah, aubrey) came into my life it was such a shock. I wondered if they could ever love me. I wondered if they could ever accept me into there life. I imagined it would be hard, especially with the things they had seen and gone through at such a young age.

I didn't want to disrupt there lives. As time went on I grew to love them as if they were my own.

I told them once "Just because you didn't come out of my stomach, that doesn't mean I don't love like you are my own. I consider you my children, all of you" I would give my Life for all the kids. I only want the best for them I want them safe and taken care of .

I want them happy and I want them to be able to be kids.

I want them to know that I love them unconditionally.

as Long as all 5 of the kids know this I have succeeded in my job. It really isn't a job. It is like they all giving me so much joy just by loving me like I Love all of them.

Brian and The kids are my world. I never thought my life would lead me in this direction. I can't imagine my life without any of them. As cheesy as it sounds they are apart of me, they all complete me.

I was married at 27 and never thought that I would ever want to get married. I thought it was a ridiculous form of an institution. To bind yourself to someone that could change in a whim to someone you are not guaranteed to be there by your side for the rest of your life.

When Brian asked me to marry him, for some reason none of those fears I used to have plagued me. I felt as though it was so natural to say yes to him.

The day we were married I was so nervous and couldn't believe it was happening. I mean "was I really doing this? was I really willing to risk that one day this relationship is not guaranteed. That the divorce rate is higher than ever and how was I supposed to know that this was going to work?" I couldn't even look at him at one point I was so nervous and so many thoughts going through my head. Me the woman who didn't believe in marriage was getting married.

Then all of a sudden I looked up and there he was this man, this strong man that looked like he was on cloud nine. On cloud nine because he was marrying me. As I looked at him I couldn't see my life without him. I couldn't imagine him not being by my side. He held my hands as he said those words "I take you Celeste Nicole Hernandez to be my wife. " I thought I was going to lose my balance right there. The emotion I felt was so wonderful. I can't even put it in words completely. it was just bliss. Blissfully wonderful. Right there and then I knew God intended him for me and I for him.

He turned my world upside down. I never could imagine I would love someone like this. We became One. He became My One and Only, My Forever and Always.

and do I thank God everyday, Oh yeah I sure do.

kick, scream,

Today and yesterday was an especially hard day for me.
I have been sick and my body feels like it just wants to give out.

I have to just keep reminding myself "God does not give us more than we can handle."

I fight to stay above water. I kick and kick, I will not give up. It will take the last breath in me till I am done.

I just want to scream at the top of my lungs.
but I can't get the words out.
I stay silent and keep it to myself.

my life is no longer my own.

don't know what to say, but that I Love You

Today was a bit better. I heard From My Love today.

It helped make my day a little nicer.

To know you are okay is one of the best feelings in the world.

Well it is just the boys, aubrey, and I tonight. The girls are staying at there friends house. People ask me how I am doing since you left.

What am I supposed to say? I mean if I told them how I really feel, well I just can't.

I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or think I can't handle it.

I know I can handle it, because like they say " God never gives you more than you can handle"

I pray that is right.

I am so lonely. I mean, I know I have the five kids, and they are wonderful and keep me crazy busy. It is just I miss my Husbands arms. I miss him in bed next to me.

Yes people I know it is his job and I will NEVER hold fault to him for it.

I love the man he is. I love how brave he is.

I hold you in my heart, I hold you with everything I have inside of me. I Love You My Love. I will be here waiting for you. I can't wait for you to come home to the kids and me.

My Forever My Always

I spoke to my love last night. I was so happy to hear from him. I actually slept a couple of hours.

After pressing Pride's hand a few times. he says "I Love you Celeste Hernandez Flores". lol



I miss My Hubby so much. He called at least 6 times today and I could not hear him once. At least it showed he cares, because he kept trying. I just told him I Loved him and prayed he could hear at least me telling him I Loved him.



I wish he was here with me. I can't help it I just feel like, uh, well I don't know how to explain how I feel.



It is just like this piece of you is missing. I know we will get through this. It is just harder than his last deployment .



We are married now, we have become ONE, and We have a family.



The heart is a complex thing.

It give you:

Joy

Happiness

Sadness

Hurt

But above all

Love.



You can not trade one for the other.



You are not always going to agree,

but as long as you know at the end of the day

that you would rather fight with that one person and

make up with that one person, there is nothing to stop

the two of you from accomplishing any dreams you have together.



He has my heart

and I have his.





I got to sleep at night

unable to close my eyes tight

I love you more than you know

I just wish you didn't have to go

I remember you lying in bed

now there is a bear you gave me instead

I wish you were still here

but I will be brave and have no fear

I miss you more and more each day

But know that I am here to stay.

I'll be by your side always and forever

and our love I will always treasure.



I Love you with all my Heart



My Always My Forever

FAMILY LOVE

Hi My Love,

I haven't heard from you all day. I hope you are okay. I know you are most likely crazy busy.

Today was a beautiful day. I went to see about enrolling Lil' One in preschool. It looks like she will be starting at the same school as the rest of the kiddos next year.

There was this one thing that really pissed me off today, but I will handle it.

It made Tristan cry. I mean he was crying and saying he wished that you were still here. He said he misses you.

I started crying of course.

Oh, wow wait a minute now I have had 2 crying boys today..lol.

We are wathcing "Where the Wild things Are" and Brian is crying because of the ending...lol..and Tristan is trying to make him laugh. lol,,he is laughing now..Man our boys are such dorks..

Analissa wanted me to tell you something. "I LOVE YOU DADDY" She is so funny.

We all miss you My Love.

I actually slept last night. Well I slept for at least 4 hours. That's better than nothing I guess. And I had a bowl of soup.

I wonder what you are doing right now. I wonder if you have had enough sleep. If you are okay.

I Love You soooo much.

I need you. I know we say no one ever really needs anyone, but I think we were wrong. I need you.

You and the kids are my happiness.

I Love You My Love.

I will miss being in your arms tonight. I can't say enough "I LOVE YOU" not just "LOVE YOU" no I mean "I LOVE YOU.

Case of the Monays

Today was a Monday. Yes a Monday. People usually say "I have the case of the Mondays"
Today was a horrible day.
Each moment that I had for some reason I could not stop thinking about him. He seems not him self.

I know is he not always going to be Mr. perky or Mr. perfect. I understand he is tired.

I guess I just needed to smile today and I thought if I talked to him he could make me smile. But alas, I could not even get him to smile.

It is moments like that, that make me wonder if we can make it through this. I don't know maybe I am just tired, I really haven't slept in the last couple days and maybe only eaten twice.

It just has been one of those days. I have so much on my mind on top of worrying about my Husband being deployed.

I don't want to talk to him about it because I feel like he has enough to worry about, why burden him with my issues.

He says he is not worried about me, because he knows I am strong and I can handle it. But to be honest I think he does worry. I think he worries that it will overwhelm me.

This is how I see it. Life is always going to a bumpy road. If someone says it is always smooth, they are retarded and frankly not honest with themselves.

I am not saying there are no good times, I Crazy Wonderful Great Times. I am just saying If you can't face the bumpy, Rough, kick you in the Ass bumpy roads you will never be fully happy or you will not fully be in reality .

But I would rather Be on this road with my Hubby than anyone else. Because at the end of the day we may have those crazy, messed up, pissed off days, but man do I love the Make up time. And I love the Crazy Wonderful Great Times and I would not change any of it for the world.


I Love my family with everything I have in me. They give me strength I never knew I had. That is how I know I will get through this. I have my moments that I honestly don't know but then I look at our kids and my Hubby and I know that we can make it through anything.

I know I am babbling I guess I do that a lot. Especially when I have so much on my mind.

I to end this I will just say I Love My Family and Ultimately I know we will get through this deployment.

We Miss My Hubby like crazy, but we know he is doing what has to.

He is My Always and My Forever

" Burns like a burning rain of fire" lol

I Miss You My Love,



IT BURNS, BURNS, BURNS LIKE A BURNING RAIN OF FIRE. (LOL) I LOVE YOU MY LOVE





Today was fun. I painted the girls nails. which by the way they loved!




It was funny to watch Aubrey squirm. You know she can't stay still for 2 seconds. LOL.



Analissa says she is going to wake up early so I can do her hair.




I miss you so much. I wish you were here with me seeing all of this. Joking around, calling the kids clowns.


I can't wait to see you wrestle with kids again.




The boys did the usual on a rainy day video games and computer.







You know how it goes. Once they get started on electronics it is like everything else in the world disappears.

Gee I wonder who that reminds me of..lol.









I keep thinking about how you are doing. I haven't heard from you and I guess I am just worried. I mean I know you are okay and I know you can't always call. You just sounded really tired last time I talked to you.






Oh and p.s. next time pack the right deodorant, that might help you out a bit..lol


Just kidding. Well sort of... I Love You So Much!

You are such a goofball.





You always know how to make me laugh and smile.

Even if it is on accident.


Like the time you moped the floor and you almost fell, because of how slippery it was.

Yes, Yes, I know I am the one that said to use the pledge we use for the table..my bad..lol..but you have to admit it was funny to watch everyone slipping and falling all over the floor.




I don't want to go to bed tonight. I know I eventually have to. I just don't want to. The feeling of you not laying there next me makes me cry. It is one thing when you are out on mission but you come home eventually, this is an entire year without you laying next to me.
I miss the loud snoring you do. Is it weird that it helps me sleep. I miss your arms around me.

Hopefully the time goes by fast. well I pray it does.


You don't have to worry about anything here. So far so good. The kids are doing good. Except of course the fact that they all miss you.


They are all asleep right now. They are not giving me a hard time at all. Of course the usual fights and banter between them all but nothing major.




It was funny though, well not funny but, I dunno. Savanah and Lil' Brian thought they could out stubborn me. I gave them a really small portion of veggies, (and I mean small..lol) they would not eat it. I told them they could sit at the table till it was time for bed if they were not going to eat them. Well guess what they did..Yup they ate there veggies.

I just want our kids to be healthy and they are so young I don't want them to have health issues. Well you already know how I am about there health.





Anyway,

I finally made it to OUR bed. I am laying here right now writing. I don't want to go to sleep. I have been having a hard time sleeping. I really never thought it would be like this.

I never thought that it would affect me like this. I mean I knew that I would miss you. I guess I didn't expect for it to feel like this.









It feels like I am holding my breath. I sleep with pride at night and push his hand over and over again. You know "celeste hernandez flores" lol..I love you so much.



I love you with all my heart and soul.








I will remain yours always and forever.

Please stay staff come back home to us. We All Miss you soooooo much!

Yours truly
Yours forever

Yours Always,


I Love You My Love,


Love Your Wife, Your Partner,
YOURS.